I have always been so envious of people around me that radiated confidence and happiness. Ever since I was a little girl I have struggled with self-confidence, questioning every little thing I did, always wondering what others were thinking about me when in reality none of that matters. 

I have always had racing thoughts spinning in my head constantly thinking about the worst or remembering something negative that somebody said about me weeks, months, hell even years ago. I never really knew that it wasn’t normal until probably late middle school, but I didn’t know it would impact me as much as it did. I thought I could fix the problem myself. Yeah…anxiety is a real thing that has prevented me from experiencing a lot of joy. I wished I acted on this sooner, but I wasn’t ready. 

I never knew that anxiety could take over my life as much as it did. I have never been happy with my body so it led to self-image issues, I wasn’t eating enough, it was causing me to have actual physical symptoms, I wasn’t able to focus at work, I needed to leave wherever I was to go home if it was possible…it was too much. I was sick of feeling like crap all of the time and it was exhausting trying to pretend to be happy with my life. Then it hit me, “I need freaking help.” 

Mental health, including anxiety and depression, DO NOT get talked about enough. If you do not struggle with it, and I hope that you never do, but you will never understand it no matter how much you say “I get it.” You don’t. I am focusing on myself this year. I am done feeling “sorry” for myself and I am officially ready to HEAL. 

What did I need to do for me? I fought everything inside of me for the longest time and finally gave into seeing a therapist. I was terrified. I didn’t know how to act or what she was going to ask me or what she was going to think about me, but I needed help so I went. I went in with an open mind willing to try whatever I needed to in order to de-stress, find myself in all of this chaos, and to learn how to LOVE MYSELF. 

GUYS, this has been the best thing that I have ever done for myself. She has given me tools to help me focus on what is right in front of me, how to dig into my emotions (well…I am still working on this, LOL), is explaining to me why the heck my brain goes into fight or flight mode, she is validating my feelings, she has called me out on so much crap and it is hilarious because she is right. 

Are you ready to help yourself too? Come with me and we can do it together. I am writing this blog to help encourage you guys that we should all be loving ourselves. Be proud of where you are right now. What have you done for yourself lately? Anything? Complained that you are bored in your house and miss going to Target…me too girl, me too…I have also taken this time to make myself the priority. Get outside, go on a walk, buy a journal and write it out, jam to your music in the shower, dance it out, go on a drive alone to grab a coffee and reflect on your day. Make an appointment to talk to someone. Nobody will judge you and if they do then they probably need some help themselves. YOU DESERVE TO INVEST IN YOU. We cannot be good friends or aunts or sisters or mothers if we do not help ourselves first. It is okay to add a little bit of selfishness into your life. That is one of my goals. 

This quarantine has been a little crazy and is probably something that none of us have ever experienced, but maybe it hit so that we could have time to slow down in this crazy life and focus on what really matters. Focus on you and your family. Focus on your health- you are posting about how grateful you are for being healthy and not in the ICU with covid-19 and that is great, but how is your mental health? Because I can tell you that mine is not great yet, but it is SO much better than a few months ago and I am not stopping any time soon. 

I am here to cheer you on. I am still learning all of these new things too, it’s such a freeing feeling. I got this. You got this. You are not crazy. WE GOT THIS! 

XOXO, Cait ❤