Anxiety…what comes to mind when you think of that word?

😰 Sweating

😰 Rapid breathing aka hyperventilating

😰 Shaking/trembling

😰 Pacing back and forth

These can occur with anxiety for sure, however, it’s not always the typical and dramatic presentation that we see in movies. Sometimes, it’s not so obvious and it may not even be noticeable unless you really know the person. You know their baseline and can sense a subtle change in their attitude or body language.

What is having anxiety really like? How do panic attacks present for a lot of people?

💬 Silence. Your mind is racing in a million different directions, you can’t think straight, and you don’t want to talk to anybody. You are sitting in silence because you don’t want any attention drawn to yourself. “Everything is fine, I’m fine.”

💬 Racing, racing, racing. You feel like your heart is beating out of your chest; like it’s going to explode. This isn’t seen from the naked eye, right? Nobody knows how fast your heart is beating. Can it cause sweating? Absolutely. My heart races and causes me to feel lightheaded, my palms get sweaty, my fingertips go numb, my face gets flushed, and then it causes more anxiety, but I can’t get myself to settle down. This definitely isn’t uncommon. It’s initiating the fight or flight response, which is what happens when you are in life or death situations. An adrenaline rush. Running away from the bad guy or an animal. That’s the same thing that happens throughout an anxiety/panic attack. Your body can’t tell the difference. Pretty crazy what your mind can do.

💬 The blank stare. I don’t sit and breathe into paper bags, I sit and stare. Staring into space is my anxiety’s jam. I don’t even realize it half the time. This is what I mean when I say it’s not obvious. It’s invisible. When you see a coworker or a friend sitting down quietly and it looks like they’re extra focused on something your first reaction isn’t to think that something is wrong. You probably don’t even think twice about it or maybe don’t even notice anything at all.

💬 Moody and exhausted. You aren’t sleeping well, you’re stinkin’ tired, and you are extra “sensitive” for whatever reason. Girl, it’s very possible that it’s not your period causing the issues, it’s anxiety. It makes you so irritable and it comes out of nowhere. It’s underlying stress that is not being dealt with properly and it will show its ugly face one way or another. Nothing is going to help until you learn how to deal with your stressors properly.

💬 Physical pain. Headaches, stomach aches, body aches. What is going on, right? Why am I nauseous? Why is this headache still here after a week? I’m drinking water and eating and sleeping, it doesn’t make sense. Your anxiety is laughing at you because that’s what is causing your pain. It’s built up tension. I am so guilty of this. I have lingering headaches for weeks. It’s ridiculous.

💬 The feeling of having to finish a task in order to feel satisfied or relaxed. I am guilty of this too. Sometimes I just need to make sure the dishes are washed and the couch is put back together and the clutter is gone before going to bed. It’s one thing to be tidy, but if it’s preventing you from being able to sleep or move on to another task…that is anxiety. The need to have a sense of control. Your mind isn’t letting your body relax. Sometimes it is important to challenge yourself and force yourself to wash the dishes tomorrow. It’s okay to not have complete control over every situation. I know…easier said than done.

💬 Losing your train of thought literally mid conversation. Are you kidding? LOL. Do you know how many times I’ll be talking and then just completely forget what I’m talking about? This happens more than I’d like to admit. Especially in therapy sessions. All. The. Time. How is this even a thing? My brain cannot focus. I’m like Dug the dog from Up…SQUIRREL.

Guys, do you see what I’m saying here? Do you understand that anxiety can literally be destroying a person that is standing right next to you and you’d have no idea. It causes suffering and that person doesn’t want to draw attention to themselves so they sit and endure the pain and embarrassment. They try to go on with their daily life and pretend that it’s not happening. They already feel crazy they don’t want to have somebody else think they are too. Or maybe they themselves don’t even catch the signs their body is giving them and they’re unaware that it’s anxiety.

Be gentle. Anxiety is everywhere. It can be debilitating and it’s invisible. Try to have some empathy, try not to be so judgmental, try to help a friend out and ask if they’re okay even if you think they are. Try to step into their shoes for a minute. 🤍

Mental health is exhausting. Phew.

XOXO, Cait ❤️

Getting sick…the worst, right? You can’t breathe out of your nose or your stomach isn’t keeping anything down or your head is pounding and feels like it could explode at any minute. Then what’s next? Next is asking for forgiveness and bargaining! LOL. You are asking whoever or whatever you believe in to please just let you be able to breathe through your nose so you can sleep and that you won’t ever take it for granted again. Does this sound familiar? And then as soon as the week or two passes you are back to your normal self and you go on your happy and merry little way. Life goes on.

I feel ya. I know getting the common cold is terrible, I absolutely hate it too. Really puts a damper on your day.

Fortunately, for most people that is really their biggest inconvenience for most of their life. Maybe they need to have their appendix taken out or break a bone or get the flu and may need to go to the ER to be rehydrated with some IV fluids, but for the most part they are relatively healthy.

Some are not so lucky.

I am one of the not so lucky ones. At least that is how I feel some days.

I grew up full of energy and was not at the doctors much other than for the annual check-ups because luckily, I was not sick very often. I have never broken a bone (knock on wood) or had anything seriously wrong with me that would cause any reason for concern. I was like a lot of people and took that for granted. Freshman year of high school changed all of that for me and let me tell you, girl…I then found myself in the bargaining phase A LOT!

I actually have a separate blog related to my whole story, but the short and sweet version is that I developed digestive problems and landed myself a three month hospital stay, which ultimately turned into a life-altering, chronic disease diagnosis.

Here is the thing, friends. You see people all around you and don’t know anything about them, but you are always making assumptions. It is not the right thing to do, but everybody does it. I do it. I try not to. It’s automatic. You see people on social media and assume that they have their whole life put together. You see reality tv stars and assume everything for them is perfect. I try to make an effort to not assume. Assumptions are not always right. We are actually wrong most of the time. When it comes to somebody’s health, we have no idea what is going on inside their body. We have no idea how that person is feeling. We have no idea what they have gone through. A lot of things are visible on a person; a lot of things are not.

Invisible illnesses. Have you heard of these? I have one. Crohn’s disease is what I have been diagnosed with and so many people think that I look great on the outside, and I do now, but I have been through A LOT that you would never guess. On top of this physical disease, I deal with anxiety on a daily basis. Actually, tons of people around you right now are dealing with anxiety and you may have no idea. You may deal with it yourself and in that case, I know you feel me sister. Do you know what anxiety does to a person?

Anxiety causes every fiber in your body to tense up and overthink. It causes questioning about every move and decision you make on the daily. It influences your outfit choices, your food choices, your decision to apply for that job, whether or not you are going to travel and go on that much needed vacation or just stay home instead. Do you get it? It is more than just feeling a little stressed out.

I say anxiety is an invisible illness because let’s face it…not all anxiety presents itself as an episode of hyperventilating into a brown, paper bag. I mean for some people it can, however I feel like for the most part it presents pretty differently.

Anxiety is not super talked about because those with it are embarrassed by it, me included. We want to feel “normal,” right? Welp, not anymore. Ya girl is done with that. It is so much more common than I thought.

Everybody copes with their anxiety differently. You may be standing next to a coworker having an attack and not even know it. I know that I do a pretty good job of covering myself up if I need to. I have heard so many people say good things about me like, “you are such a hard worker,” “you’re so responsible,” “you are so caring,” “Momma Cait always lookin’ out,” “you’re so cute and positive and I’ll always love you,” and I am not complaining or taking any of those kind words for granted, but most of the time I am receiving those because my anxiety is driving me to work extra hard in fear of failing.

I try so hard to be on the ball at work because I am terrified of screwing up or showing that I am mentally “not in it” today. Ya know what I mean? My family, friends, and coworkers have no idea most of the time and they are just trying to be nice and encourage me by complimenting me, but I am struggling on the inside! Then I give myself more anxiety because people are noticing and have high expectations for me at this point for doing a good job so now I really cannot mess up or let them see my sinking.

I want to make a separate post about how anxiety can present itself, but for now I encourage you to think before you speak. Try not to make assumptions or negative judgements about others. I know it is hard, nobody is perfect. We are all human. If a friend seems off that day, they may not need a compliment, rather might need an ear to listen to them while they vent. They may need reassurance…and they may need it again thirty minutes later…give it to them.

Invisible illnesses are real. Mental health is real. It is a freaking fight some days, oh my goodness. Be gentle. You never know what somebody is going through, I promise. This is a tough world and with everything going on, people are more on edge now than ever. Be grateful for your health, whether it be mental or physical.

XOXO, Cait ❤