Hi friends, Happy 2021!!! We made it out of 2020! 😄

I hope everybody had the best Christmas and stayed safe throughout the holiday season.

Even though the holidays are fun, they’re freaking stressful! Right? I know I’m not alone here. HAHA. “I need to buy presents for this person, and this person, and crap, this person, too!” “This friend is in from out of town and I want to see her and spend as much time with her as possible, but I also need to see so and so, too.” “I work three shifts in a row so I guess I’ll need to throw a nap in there at some point, too.” Ugh…ya feel me? The hustle and bustle is fun, but it’s a lot.

I am an introvert, if ya couldn’t tell. 😉 LOL. I LOVE my friends and family and I do enjoy getting out of the house, but holy crap…I am done. Throughout these last few months I really feel like I’ve just constantly been on the run. Go, go, go. There is something to do on every day off of work and what I really need is to just sit at home, stay in my pajamas all day, and do absolutely nothing. I don’t have anything left in me to give. I’m exhausted.

The other day I was talking to my nutritionist on the phone and it hit me. She called me out on what she sees when she is with me and how I’ve been talking about myself recently and then started questioning me about all of the things and it all made sense. She said to me, “in order to improve this eating thing, you need to fix the mental and emotional burdens that have developed for so many years first.” Woah. Take a step back, Caitlin. She’s right. What have I noticed recently? What is different? How did I fall back into the chaos again? What is going on?

I get overwhelmed when I’m busy. I like being busy sometimes, but ya girl needs to chill out and do nothing. It’s just a fact. I need alone time to recharge, this isn’t anything new. I have been SO busy recently, that it has caused me to fall backwards a little bit. Three steps forward, two steps back type of thing. It’s kind of frustrating. Here’s the thing…it’s going to happen. It’s okay. Healing is not linear, learning and implementing new habits and are not easy, and I’m only human. I’m giving myself grace here now that the annoyance has settled and I’ve had time to digest this.

This is what I’ve noticed:

🧠 Journaling has been scarce lately.

🧠 Moving my body has not been as consistent.

🧠 People pleasing is in full effect again. I tried to make sure I fit everybody into my schedule and left no time for myself.

🧠 Self-sabotage, negative self-talk, shaming myself, whatever you want to call it…it’s all happenin’.

Have I completely fallen out of my new routine? No. Did I notice that my journaling and self-reflection were getting few and far between? Yep. Did I feel myself getting irritable, exhausted, stressed and burnt out? Yep. Did I do anything to change it? Not really. So, here I am.

I can’t blame this on anybody but myself because it’s my responsibility. It’s my job to take care of me, not my nutritionist or my coach or my therapist. They’re my guides and my supports system, but they are not in charge of my actions. I’m not going to beat myself up over this because I am ready to get back into the swing of things again. I acknowledge it and like I said, healing isn’t linear. There are bound to be some ups and downs along the way.

When things get tough, it’s okay. Take a step back and look at the big picture. What do you need to do in order to take care of yourself? Get back to the basics. That’s where I’m at. Back to simple self-care activities and not overextending myself. Back to me, first. ME. Sorry, not sorry. I’m going back to the ABC’s and 123’s.

Also, can I point out that I’m still making progress because I can actively sit here and see what I’m struggling with, acknowledge it, and make a plan to do something about it. I would not have done this a year ago! Go me.

Thanks to my support system, I am able to have extra sets of eyes and ears in order to help guide me in the right direction.

Friends, reach out to someone if you need help. It’s so powerful knowing that you are being vulnerable and allowing others into your life who genuinely want to help you. If you feel like you’re going backwards, it’s all good. Sit down and make a plan to turn it back around. Baby steps. Back to the basics. Pretend you’re in elementary school again. ABC’s and 123’s. Do whatcha gotta do to take care of you. ✌🏻

XOXO, Cait ❤️