Shy, boring, weird, awkward…all adjectives I have used to describe myself.

Introverted. That’s definitely something I was never proud about being before, but why?

Growing up, going to school, and being the “popular” kids…that’s what society claims as “normal” and expected, right? The quiet and shy kids are never really treated the same as the outgoing group that the whole school knows about. I was the shy girl in school and have been that way my entire life. I have never liked to draw attention towards myself and I don’t enjoy being in large groups of people. I get overwhelmed. I was never proud of that before. I always wished that I was part of the other more “normal” group and that I didn’t have to worry about “saying the wrong thing” or “looking weird” or “feeling like a failure” for not talking as much as others and just listening. I’ve always longed to feel free from myself and enjoy socializing with a bunch of friends. My anxiety literally created a feeling within myself that caused guilt and shame. I felt guilty for not being outgoing enough. Are ya kidding?

Growing up being shy was kind of rough. I’ve had classmates comment that I’m weird for being too shy, for not talking enough, for not wanting to go to all of the school’s events. People are so judgmental. Why is it so bad to enjoy alone time and not want to be inside of a huge crowd of people all of the time? I know I am not the only person who feels like this.

I’m done with that. I’m not going to apologize or feel embarrassed for what makes me me. I am actually happy that I like alone time. I enjoy getting in my car after work and sitting for a few minutes to decompress. I enjoy getting home and going into my room for a few hours to write or listen to music or nap or whatever. I enjoy sometimes declining an invite to go out and staying home instead to have a night in while everybody else in the house leaves. It’s refreshing.

Growing up and getting thrown into the real world has taught me how to be more independent and not quite as shy and nervous to talk to people, but I am still not drawn towards large crowds. When hanging out with others, I’d much prefer to do something with one or two people at a time versus seeing all of my friends together in one setting. I like knowing that I can really give all of my attention to that person, I feel that they are giving their attention to me, and we can reconnect. I don’t have to stress about giving each friend enough of my time. Is that silly? LOL. If it is I’m not saying I’m sorry for it. That’s how I feel most comfortable and I know other introverted people will totally understand me right now. 😄

I am done calling myself names. “Shy, boring, weird, awkward.” How is that okay to say about myself? A few months ago I would not have even thought twice about it and would’ve seen nothing wrong with that, but today…no. I am trying to love myself. To be gentle with myself. To talk to myself how I would about my best friends.

I’m understanding that it is okay to be introverted. It’s okay to not want to be out and about with a bunch of friends all the time. It’s okay to enjoy alone time. It’s not weird. I’m not awkward. I’m actually pretty social once you get to know me and I’m comfortable with you; I just need some time to get to know you first. I have a kind heart and am super caring. I’m empathetic and always want the best for people. I do like to get out of the house, but I’m more of a go to Target and browse every aisle kind of girl versus partying out at the club. You feel me?

I want to normalize this. I want others who have felt alone like me for being too quiet to not apologize either. Accept yourself. You’re not too shy, you’re not too quiet, you’re not weird. It’s a daily struggle to love yourself, at least it is for me. It is freaking hard to be intentional, to try to change my way of thinking after so many years, to build confidence. I am trying each day to not pick myself apart; instead I’m working on building myself up and loving me for me. I try to compliment myself. What makes me unique? What do I love about myself? What makes me feel extra cute so I can nail that selfie? ALSO…that selfie is for ME, not for anybody else. I may post it to my Instagram, but it is not to see how many likes I can get it’s because I’m feelin’ myself. ✌🏻

I’m not changing for anyone and I hope you realize that you do not need to change either. Society can be rude. We are all worthy of love and acceptance. And also, I want you to know that my mindset did not change overnight, so don’t expect yours to either or get caught up in frustration. Months of therapy really help a person out let me tell ya. Each week I meet with her and each week she gives me the “Really?…” look and helps me switch gears, gives me exercises to work through certain things and encourages the crap out of me.

Keep fighting the fight, chica!

(Gotta tell myself that some days, too.)

We got this!

XOXO, Cait ❤️