HUMPDAAAAAAY!!! Happy Wednesday, beautiful.

Everybody has struggles within themselves at one point or another in their life even if you try to hide it/them or don’t want to admit it. I know I have a bunch and if you are sitting there thinking “I can’t think of anything that I have had a hard time with or an internal conflict with yourself,” I am calling BS. We all have them. ESPECIALLY us, ladies.

We pick ourselves apart from top to bottom. Our hair is too frizzy, our teeth aren’t glow in the dark white, our stomach isn’t flat enough, this purse isn’t Michael Kors everybody is going to think I don’t fit in, they’re probably all talking about me right now, I need to order a salad at lunch today with the girls because if I order what I really want to eat they are going to think I am being fat, oh my god the scale read what number this morning!? Time to starve myself and eat little to no calories for today until I am so hungry that I just scarf down a huge meal at the end of the day because I feel so shaky and lightheaded. I have to say no to going to the beach with my friends even though I really want to go because I don’t look like a model in this bathing suit. I need to join the freaking gym. I didn’t get an A on that test, but I am going to lie and just say that I did so my classmates don’t think I am an idiot.

Does any of this sound familiar? Do I have to go on here? Have you said any of these things to yourself? I know that I have said every one of those things to myself so, ya girl gets it!

There are a lot of things that I have struggled with for a long time internally that I liked to keep hidden in the past. Do you want to know what one of my goals in this year? To get comfortable with being uncomfortable. That is a bold statement and it is freaking hard. This blog…this is not going to be easy just like going to therapy isn’t easy, but it is worth it. It is worth it to understand why I feel the way that I do, why I act the way that I do, to understand that other people have the same thoughts, worries, and hesitations, and to be able to get on here and help just one person feel like they can take a breath of fresh air and relate to me…that is all I want. You are not crazy. We are growing up in a world with a society that likes to tear us down instead of build us up into strong and confident adults.

My biggest struggles…what are they?

❤ Negative self-talk. Ooof, I am good at bashing myself. Shaming myself. Putting myself down. Second guessing every ounce of confidence that I get just so my anxiety makes sure it is known and still present. LOL…thanks, brain.

❤ Body image. I used to step on the scale every morning without fail before I ate anything. Sometimes multiple times a day. I am proud to say that I look at that scale that sits in my bathroom and step on it maybe once a week now. *Hair flip*

❤ Overthinking. The constant “What if this,” “What if that?” If you can relate to this- STOP. Stop with the “What ifs.” There is no benefit doing this. It will only make your anxiety worse and helps create unrealistic scenarios in your head. Trust me, friend.

❤ Fear. Fear of looking dumb. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of accidentally tripping down the hallway. Fear of how my anxiety is going to be for the day. Did you read that? I have anxiety over how my freaking anxiety is going to be that day. ARE YOU KIDDING? HAHAHA. That is hilarious. But yeah…that is a real thing that happens to me. You too? Please say I am not alone? I know I’m not. 🙂

❤ People pleasing. FRIENDS…I do not know how to say “No.” Let me fix this, I used to not know how to say “No.” I am now learning that I am allowed to say no and make myself the priority. Does it come out of my mouth super easily and without putting in some mental effort? Nope. Am I relieved after I say it though and then not have to worry about doing something that I really did not want to do? YES!

Nobody is perfect. Nobody is happy all the time. Nobody is completely confident all the time. We are all human. You are human. I am human.

I am still learning how to work through all of these myself. I am only a few months into putting effort towards changing my life for the better. It is a constant effort; a choice everyday to get out of bed and make it the best day that I can. To take time for myself. To put my thoughts onto paper. To get outside. All of my struggles that I wrote up there, I still have those with me today. I am only at the tip of the iceberg regarding my therapy appointments. I have a long way to go, but I am proud of myself for making it this far and being able to talk about it. Not quitting because it is “too hard.” I am pretty good at that too, LOL.

Guys, you are not alone here. I know I am not the only one with these struggles. The difference is that instead of having a “poor me” pity party moment with myself, I finally pushed my ego out of the way and got some help. I am putting in the work. Opening up to a stranger at first is terrifying and you are going to feel the most vulnerable you have ever felt, but guess what? Vulnerability and fear means that you are growing. It means change. Are you going to sit in your pity party and push off getting help? Or are you going to invest in yourself and make yourself the priority? Love yourself and learn how to get comfortable with being uncomfortable with me.

XOXO, Cait ❤