Good morning and happy MONDAY!

So I used to hate the feeling and sound of Monday because it just means the beginning of a whole new work week, right? Wrong-o! Do you know what it really means? It is a brand new day that I was able to wake up. It is a brand new day for endless opportunities for a GOOD day. It is a brand new day to a brand new week for me to focus on ME. To get out of bed, look at all I have to be grateful for, and to try to find the good.

Notice how I said try? What I am still learning is that sometimes I wake up in a not so good mood, in a funk if you will, and I like to beat myself up over it. What I need to learn is that it is normal to not be happy-go-lucky all the time and it is okay to feel other emotions. This is hard for me.

So everybody grew up differently and has had unique life experiences, therefore all of our stories will not be the same. I have been so focused my entire life in living in a constant fight or flight mode and my only goal was to keep swimming, even if I’m drowning, and to not sit and dwell on any emotions. I definitely did not realize this until recently. You know who made that clear to me? My therapist. Yep…read that again. My therapist!

Why did I put that off for so damn long? Not going to sit here and beat myself up though because I am sitting here now changing my life for the better. *Hair flip* BUT GIRL! She made me realize that my life has been constant chaos and it is no wonder why I have chronic anxiety and depression. “Oh, okay. Well yeah…that makes sense. Yikes.” Those are my main responses to her, HAHA. Nobody wants to hear that, but it is kind of funny because it is true. What is wild to me is that it is subconsciously there. I did not know that I was an emotionless robot until just a few months ago. I mean…I knew that I brushed things off a lot and kept moving, but I did not know the reasoning behind it.

What is important to realize, (and friends I am still trying to learn and practice this stuff myself. We are on this journey together, remember?) is that it is not possible to stay in one emotion all the time and it is not healthy. It is okay to wake up feeling sad or mad or happy or angry or whatever emotion it is that you’re feeling. It is okay. Feel it for a little bit and think about what it is that is making you feel that way. Don’t do what I do and get angry at myself or feel defeated when I am not in a good mood after putting in all of this hard work over the last few months. LOL. It is normal. There will be up and downs.

After you feel the emotion for a little bit, it is time to try to find the good. Practice something that helps you de-stress. This is where the consistency comes in and it is freaking hard some days. I have found a few things that help me stop and find the good.

I am very introverted and I like my alone time. I have always been like this. When I wake up in the mornings I love to just sit in my bed for a few minutes and be by myself before my day starts. No interruptions, no animals yelling at me for food (thank you for that, cats), no hustle and bustle of the outside world yet, just sitting in my quiet room focusing on me. I tell myself that it is going to be a good day today. Then it is time to get up and get myself ready for my walk. I try to go on a nice 2-3 mile walk as often as I can. I don’t want to commit and say every morning because at this point that is an unrealistic expectation for myself. My work schedule is all over the place so I will not be walking every single morning. Throughout my walks I like to listen to uplifting podcasts or music and I avoid going on social media. This is huge. This is my me time to self reflect and focus on nature. I love my new neighborhood that I have recently moved into and it brings me joy to go around and see what I am able to provide myself at this stage in my life.

After my 45-60 minute walk is done, it is time to be productive with the rest of my day. Getting outside in the sunshine is something that I know makes me automatically happier than I was before and doesn’t take much effort. So why not do it? There are days where getting out of bed seems rough or I am too tired or not in the mood to get sweaty from the 85 degree weather, but this is where being consistent is hard and so important. It is only going to benefit me, but the mind is powerful. I have to tell myself to get out of bed, go on that walk, listen to the podcasts, and you will feel better! It is hard, but I need to learn how to love myself and put me first in order to be successful.

After my day is done, especially on days after my therapy appointments, I reflect on it all! I notice that for me writing is so beneficial, hence this blog, and journaling has helped me so much! I highly recommend! Get out a notebook, jot down your feelings, and process through them.

If you’re sitting here thinking about how any of this might benefit you or saying to yourself “Man, I really think talking to somebody could help me…should I do it? I don’t want to look like a weirdo though…” STOP. You need to do it. Don’t push it back for another six months or a year or two years when you finally let your guard down and bite the bullet. It is so uncomfortable and awkward at first, but that is their job. Like they literally went to school to help others process through their shit. Pretty amazing if ya ask me.

Lady friends, we need to stop tearing each other down and instead help build each other up. This world is so cruel and it doesn’t have to be. Help a girl out! I don’t have the time or energy to sit and focus on the negativity anymore or wonder if somebody will like me or wonder what the heck somebody else is thinking about me. You can’t let the negatives outweigh the positives and you have to keep going even when you don’t want to. Keep putting in the work because it will be worth it.

2020 is the start of a new beginning for me. I am learning how to dig through my past and work through all of it to HEAL and not just stick a bandaid on top of it. I am learning how to love myself and gain self confidence. I am learning how to feel different emotions. I am learning how to put myself first. I am INVESTING the time and energy in MYSELF. Nobody else is going to help you. You have to do it for yourself. I am a work in progress and I want to be real with you. I want this to be a safe space for anybody to come and vent or just to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I hear ya! I get it because I am here right now fighting through this and putting in the work to create and find a better version of me.

I hope you have the BEST MONDAY!

You are worth it.

XOXO, Cait ❤